(no subject)

[runningred]

[From here}

Jay gallops up the stairs, making horse noises as he carries Emcee into his room. "My liege."

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[i_am_your_host]

He chuckles warmly into the kiss and settles down with a sigh under his hands.

"Mmmph, feels like I haven't had one of your massages in ages."

[runningred]

"Happy to indulge." Jay purrs, focusing on the knots in Emcee's lower back. "You feel like you need it." There's an implied question there but not one he'd ask aloud.

[i_am_your_host]

"Yes, well," he sighs, resting his head on his folded arms, "none of my clients were masseuses. And it's not been a good year--"

It's then that he realizes that his left forearm is bare. He abruptly picks his head up and looks around, something slightly panicky in his movement.

[runningred]

Jay rests a steadying hand on Emcee's shoulder. "It's okay. I saw earlier." His voice is soft and sad. "You don't have to hide with me."

[i_am_your_host]

Emcee relaxes a little, but he shakes his head.

"No, I'm-- I'm not hiding anything, it's just--"

He searches the rumpled sheets for the handkerchief, looks on the floor beside the bed.

"Shit, it must have come off downstairs," he mumbles.

[runningred]

Jay gets up and fetches a red and white bandanna from his cupboard. He sits on the edge of the bed, holding it out to Emcee.

[i_am_your_host]

Emcee looks up at him, still shaking his head, and he sits up, reaching for his clothes on the floor.

"Thank you, darling, but-- I need mine back. It's-- a friend's. I have to find it. It's probably somewhere around the couches..."

[runningred]

Jay seems saddened Emcee is leaving but he understands. "Would you like help to look for it?" He picks up Emcee's shirt and holds it out for him.

[i_am_your_host]

He quickly pulls on his trousers and takes his shirt from Jay, avoiding his eyes.

"No, no, I'm sure I'll find it all right."

After he steps into his boots, he pauses, running both hands through his hair. And he takes a deep breath to calm his nerves. Finally, he looks at Jay.

"I'll be right back."

[runningred]

Jay gives him a nod. "I'll be here." he promises, opening the door for Emcee. "Whenever you need me."

[i_am_your_host]

He looks away again with a quick nod. And he leaves the room, heading downstairs at a brisk pace. Making a beeline for the fireplace, he then looks under the low coffee tables and couches and between their cushions for the white handkerchief. He's about to ask a waitrat if it had come across one, when he finds it trapped under the foot of the couch that Jay had overturned. With a lift and a tug, he frees it. Shaking off the dust bunnies, he then looks at it, holding it in his hands--

--and he folds it up and tucks it into his pocket.

He just needed to have it back. That's all.

He goes back upstairs to Jay's room.

"Found it," he announces, forcing a bright note in his voice. "Sorry, that was rather ridiculous of me."

[runningred]

Jay arranges to have some supper brought up to them. A plater of cold meats and cheeses and bread. And a bottle of really good gin.

"Nothing ridiculous about, darling." Jay greets him with a smile, just a little forced himself. "I understand how it can be with something special to you." He gestures to the night-stand. The lamp has a two bracelets and key on a chair hanging from it.

"Here, come have a drink."

[i_am_your_host]

He smiles a little at the food and the offer of a drink, his gaze falling on the trinkets hanging on the lamp.

"Thank you, I would love one," he sighs, taking a glass pouring out a much-needed drink.

"Have I ever mentioned Herman to you?" he then asks, as he picks our a piece of cheese and nibbles at it.

[runningred]

"I'm fairly sure you've mentioned him, yes." Jay settles back on the couch, welcoming Emcee to join him if he wants to, figuring the couch is more relaxed than the bed for such conversations. "But just so you know, you don't want to talk about it, if you don't want to. You don't owe me anything, much less an explanation."

[i_am_your_host]

Emcee refills his glass and sits down beside him.

"No, I know," he says quietly. "I rarely ever talk about these things in a straightforward way because the truth is just so fucking ugly, and I hate that. It's so much nicer to paint pretty pictures and say that everything is all right.

"But I just thought I ought to mention Herman again because he is pretty much the reason that I'm not strung out of my mind right now. He at least deserves credit for that," he adds with a weak chuckle.

[runningred]

Jay opens his arms, letting Emcee settle beside him. "He helped you get clean?"

[i_am_your_host]

He toes his boots off and draws his feet up in a cross-legged position, feeling more comfortable that way.

"Yes. He was just always-- present. And so very patient with me. Ridiculously, extraordinarily so. Even when I said some horrible things to him and treated him like shit while I was--you know." He gestures at his head with a flutter of his fingers.

"They all were patient with me, really, my boys and girls. We all had our own problems to deal with, but somehow we helped each other though a very long and difficult year."

[runningred]

Jay gives him a gentle squeeze. "I'm very glad he was there for you. And that he never gave up on you." He nods to Emcee's arm, noting the age of the marks. "Are you... out of the woods?" No-one truly is. An addict is always an addict, even when they're clean for years.

[i_am_your_host]

He takes a sip of his drink and half-nods with a shrug.

"I seem to be. The last time I shot up was around two months ago. My arm gets itchy-- whether it's an actual itch or just a psychological one, I can't tell-- whenever I get an urge, so I wear that handkerchief as a reminder not to touch it. A while ago, Herman found me in the middle of-- some kind of fit, where I scratched myself so hard that I bled. He tied his handkerchief around my arm, and since then I've kept it on to try to sort of-- redirect my thoughts and energy. It's not always worked. But it's helped."

He pauses, taking another sip of gin.

"It was that fucking door. I used to have better control when I was able to come to Milliways regularly. There were much better distractions here. At home-- things got really fucking depressing, and I couldn't escape."

[runningred]

Jay nods and give Emcee a gentle squeeze. "He's ahead of his time, your Herman. In my time, addicts use elastic bands they can snap against their wrists when the urges get too strong."

"You're here now." He strokes Emcee's arm. "And you know I'll distract you as best I can."

[i_am_your_host]

He nods and sighs, staring down into the glass he's holding in his lap.

"I know," he says softly. "Thank you."

Leaning against Jay's side, he turns his head to look at him and cups his cheek in his palm.

"Like I said, you are the best boytoy a man could have."

He grins, tipping his chin up to entice him into a kiss.

[runningred]

Jay takes the invitation and kisses him slowly and sweetly, running a gentle hand through his hair. "I do my best." He'd like to be more than just a boytoy but he understands why Emcee would rather use the term than lover. "You deserve the best."

[i_am_your_host]

It's just a term of endearment. But Emcee isn't the most willing to move past terms of endearment.

Even if the kisses are really sweet.

"Mm, what you say may not align with what the universe thinks, but as long as I get a few good things out of it," he says wryly.

[runningred]

"When have you known me to care what the universe thinks?" He smoothes back Emcee's hair, drawing into another sweet kiss.

[i_am_your_host]

He smiles against Jay's lips.

"That is a good point," he concedes. "But the universe doesn't care what any of us think either. Still, when nothing goes our way, we do manage to keep on doing whatever the fuck we want."

Draining his glass, he sets it aside before kissing him again. His kisses aren't sweet. They taste like gin.