to Berlin with love.

[runningred]

 From here

Jay opens the door into a quiet back alley that could belong to any city - the lingering scent of garbage and the miss-matched colours where graffiti has been washed off or painted over. In the mid-afternoon chill of early spring, he takes Emcee's hand and leads him out into the street, pocketing the key. The sunlight is thin but warm and picks out the green swell of buds in the branches. The tree lined avenue is quiet this time of day. Not lacking in people but without rush, a lazy Saturday afternoon.

Comments

[runningred]

Jay doesn't look up, rubbing the back of his eyes with the heel of his palm. "That I'm an idiot. That I'm so sorry."

He feels his voice break and fights not to let it out. He swallows and moves to take a sip of the now warm beer but stops himself. "I should have told you before that I owned Wonderland. I should have said no to Alice's suggestion before we got back here. I'm sorry. I have no excuse."

[i_am_your_host]

Emcee huffs a sigh and crosses his arms.

"You're right, you are an idiot and you have no excuse," he says.

"You told me to believe you and trust you that nothing was out of the ordinary when I started to suspect that something was up. You didn't even joke about it. You said it so sincerely. You with your innocent face and your kisses. So I told you I believed you. Because why wouldn't I? And then, and then, came the big reveal at possibly the worst moment during the entire time we've been here. As the kids say these days, what the fuck? No, really, darling, what the fuck? Yes, it was a surprise, but you could have told me that at any time and it still would have been a surprise. Was there a point to keeping it a secret?"

[runningred]

Jay takes his time to answer, trying to choose his words carefully. "I should have told you before we-" he breathes out slowly. "I swore I'd never put anyone in my employment in a compromising position. I've known Alice and Jared a long time but when it came to it, I couldn't."

He shakes his head. "I wanted you to see Wonderland, to decide for yourself if you liked it. I didn't want to put pressure on you, to make you feel you had like it. But that's not an excuse for what I did."

[i_am_your_host]

Emcee rakes a hand through his hair.

"What's between you and Alice and Jared is between you and Alice and Jared," he says, also choosing his words carefully.

Jared had tried to tell him something; not that Emcee wouldn't listen, it just wasn't the right time.

"And of course I liked Wonderland, I fucking loved it. Why would I be under pressure to like it?"

[runningred]

"I know. And I should have been upfront with you about that. They really like you."

Jay looks up at him, eyes still red. "I thought if you know I owned it, you might feel I was trying to trap you with it. Offering up another present that's too extravagant." Like the penthouse, for example.

[i_am_your_host]

For a moment, Emcee isn't sure what Jay had just said or what he meant.

He straightens up, as he'd been leaning down a little while speaking to him. And he looks at him, blinking.

"Another--? ...What?"

[runningred]

"I don't want to push you into thinking you had to work at Wonderland. Or that... I'd set you up for a job. I'd like-" he catches himself again, choosing his words with care. "I hoped you want to but I didn't want you to feel as if I'd pushed you into it."

"Alice and Jared have been managing the place for a while. And they've been doing a great job. I know Jared wants to go back to school, to pursue his talents as a chef and that will mean stepping back a bit. And what I do is... so uncertain. I guess I hoped someday the three of you could take over, as co-owners. If that's how things turn out."

[i_am_your_host]

With each sentence, Emcee feels as if he's going to pass out.

He covers his face with his hands, mutters "Oh, fuck, Jay," and plops down onto the nearest couch. He sits there, rubbing his face in his palms, running his fingers through his hair.

He doesn't know what to do with this. He really doesn't.

"Is this-- is this what you wanted to talk about with them? When we came in?"

[runningred]

"Mostly, yeah." He nods. "I suspect Alice and Jared want... to confide in you. To tell you more about themselves." He leans his head back against the wall. "They've come from a bad situation too and think, I hope you'll be able to help each other here."

He rubs his face and puts the bottle down, away from himself. "I know I've fucked this up royally and I'm so incredibly sorry but please, don't give up in this because of me."

[i_am_your_host]

Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, he picks his head up out of his hands and laces his fingers at his chin. He stares at the Berlin skyline. Not recognizing it, but wanting to. He so very much wants to see this as home.

"I don't know what to say," he murmurs, still staring straight ahead. He sighs.

"I am just-- completely overwhelmed by the idea. Overwhelmed and flattered, quite honestly, that you would think I was capable of running a place like Wonderland. I'm not certain that I am. The thought terrifies me, actually. ...Thank you, though."

A slight pause. "I did tell Jared that I would come back to talk to him and Alice."

[runningred]

"I've dropped a lot on you all at once. I'm sorry."

He sighs, staring out at the city too. "If you need to go back to the Bar, I understand. If you take something out of the wallet, it should act as a key to let you back in when you want to, without claiming the key to the apartment."

"I'll give you some space." He pushes his white forelock back. "I should go back to London. I have things I need to finish there."

[i_am_your_host]

Emcee is silent.

He then glances at Jay when he says that he should go back to London. He thought they would be going back to Milliways together. He doesn't want them to part like this.

And then the words rise up in his throat with an urgent need to be said.

"I'm not saying that I couldn't get used to the idea."

Of working here. Of being a part of that team. That family.

Another pause.

"I mean-- it was a nice surprise."

He gives him a sidelong look.

"Shitty execution, but a nice surprise for what it was."

[runningred]

Jay chuckles darkly. "Great idea, fucked up royally. Story of my life."

"I hope you do, get to look the idea, I mean. They're good people and you're- you deserve to be somewhere safe and accepting."

[i_am_your_host]

His lips twitch in a small, brief smile.

He sighs. "I still have a lot to do before I reach that point. But I'll try to get there."

He doesn't know how yet, but he'll figure it out once he has a clear view of what he wants.

After a moment, he gets up and walks over to where Jay is sitting, and nudges his hip with his foot.

"Get up, you silly boy."

[runningred]

Jay gets to his feet, lacking his usual grace a bit. He stands there, a little awkward as he stifles a yawn. It's been a long night but he's trying not to let it show.

[i_am_your_host]

Emcee lets him finish his yawn before cupping his face in his hands and pulling him in close to kiss him.

[runningred]

Jay returns the kiss, soft and loving. "Thank you." He whispers, eyes still red.

"Gods, I really need a shower."

[i_am_your_host]

"Thank you."

He rests a hand over Jay's heart for a moment, and lightly pats his chest. Stepping back, he covers his own yawn.

"You and me both. But I think I'll go back to Milliways for that. Shower, food, and then sleep for the next sixteen hours straight."

[runningred]

"Do you mind if I hang here a little? There's a few things I need to finish up before I head back to the bar. Shouldn't take me more than a couple of hours. London can wait but I do need to sign off on some paperwork for the twins."

[i_am_your_host]

It sounds strange for Jay to ask him that.

"Oh-- no, of course not, go right ahead," he says. "And I mean-- well, feel free to keep using this apartment if you need to, until I-- until I'm ready."

[runningred]

"Thanks. I'll get my own place when you're ready to move in. There are a few other empty apartments in the building."

He's about to say something else but there's a knock at the door and he growls, annoyed. "I get that. I have a feeling I know who it is."

[i_am_your_host]

"Oh, we'll be neighbors," he says brightening.

But then there's a knock at the door, and he frowns, wondering who it could possibly be.

"Should I stay out of the way, or...?"

[runningred]

Jay hesitates before answering. "No, it should be okay. Just something I need to deal with."

He answers the door, unsuprised to find the page boy from last night, sans costume and wig and clearly drunk, leaning on the wall.

"Sebastian." Jay acknowledges. "I though I made my wished very clear last night." His voice is hard, a command voice.

"I just wanted-" the youth protests but Jay cuts him off, a hard hand on his chest, pinning him against the wall.

"I know exactly what you wanted. And you will get it. But on my terms." His hand slips higher, cradling the base of the boy's throat in subtle treat. "Is that understood?"

The youth's chest heaves, his breath coming quickly. "Yes, sir."

[i_am_your_host]

Emcee follows Jay into the main living space but hangs back around the kitchen. However, he is surprised to see the page boy. And his eyes widen when he sees how he's treating him.

He comes out from around the kitchen counter.

"Jay, what are you doing?"

[runningred]

Jay doesn't look back at Emcee, nor does his posture relax at all. "Making arrangements for the farewell Sebastian here begged me for last night." His hand tightens minutely, Sebastian's eyes rolling a little.

Once he's closer Emcee will be able to see that the young man is flushed and very hard.

"However I made I very clear that I would find him when the time was appropriate. Did I not?"

"Yes, sir." Sebastian chokes.