AU week

[runningred]

{from here}

Jay's room hasn't changed much. Even if it is a little tidier than usual. Blame it on the fact he hasn't been around much lately. Workbenches, gear lockers, couches, TV, bed. The bar has kindly added a private gym with some serious equipment in a room off to one side.

He reaches under a bench and clears out a couple of cardboard boxes for Rocky to play in. He finds a small greenish ovaloid hiding under one. "I thought you lot had grown out of camping in here?" He blows on the thing and it lights up, glittering like a giggle in lights. "Make yourself useful and keep an eye on the cat please? His name is Rocky."

The thing squeaks a sound almost like Rocky and buzzes over to investigate the cat.

Jay chuckles and unpacks the picnic, looking for his corkscrew. "That's a Hive Drone. In fact, that's one of the juveniles - George. He'll keep Rocky company." He gestures to the couch, "Make yourself at home."

Comments

[i_am_your_host]

"He certainly went above and beyond the call of duty," he says with a soft but fond chuckle, and giving Jay's arm a squeeze, because he knows Jay would have done everything he could to save him as well.

"Well, the man who arranged my passage on a ship gave me the address of a hotel-- a flophouse, really, but beggars can't be choosers-- and the name of a landlord who I should ask for there. I must admit, it was all fairly shady, but let's face it, my entire journey hinged on such shadiness that I wasn't about to back out of it. I had to stay a few days at the flophouse until Mr. DeLuca found me a decent flat in Greenwich Village. He gave me a discount on the rent until I found a job, but luckily the neighborhood is full of bars, cafés, clubs, bookshops, art studios-- all I had to do was chat someone up and ask for a position."

A beat.

"I know how that sounded. I stand by my wording."

He can't help a smirk. He's really only half-joking.

[runningred]

Jay snorts playfully and smirks back. "Yeah, I best. I'm sure there were plenty of people willing to offer you the sort of positions you wanted."

He turns serious and hugs Emcee close, kissing him again. "I'm glad. Glader than you know. I'm sorry you had to suffer that but I'm so very glad you found your way."

[i_am_your_host]

"They were impressed with my skills and assets," he says with a grin, before melting into Jay's embrace and kiss. For a moment he just lets his words sink in -- it does his soul good to hear him say so.

"I was lucky," he murmurs again, "but I am grateful for that luck. And people like you. Because you knew me then. You remember who I was. I'll count on you to never forget that, just in case I do."

[runningred]

Jay nods and kisses him again. "If you ever feel yourself forgetting, just ask. I'll remind you of the night we met, and didn't exchange names till we were both sated and sweaty. Or the night we danced at the Ritz in perfect tuxes and turned the heads of everyone in the place. Or all the many, many times we snuck out with a bottle of gin to see how close to breaking the rules we could get away with."

"Fearless." He punctuates with kisses, "Wild." Kiss. "Sensual." Kiss. "And kinky as hell."

[i_am_your_host]

Those are all good memories, the kind he reflected upon throughout the years, and wondered how they ever came to be. Those days are like distant dreams to him. Not quite faded, not quite overshadowed. But sometimes they feel as if they'd been lived by someone else.

Jay's kisses still make him flush warm, and he savors each one. But at the end he smiles faintly and shakes his head.

"To be honest, I don't think I'm as much of any of those things anymore."

A pause as he reconsiders.

"Sensual and kinky, still, perhaps," he then says, self-deprecatingly.

[runningred]

"Sensual, hedonistic, loving. What do you enjoy being now?" Jay asks softly, moving down to kiss the curve of Emcee's neck.

[i_am_your_host]

He tips his head a little, running his fingertips over Jay's jaw, and lightly shrugs a shoulder.

"Just myself."

[runningred]

Jay leans back to look Emcee in the eyes. "Then what do you want, darling? Here and now."

[i_am_your_host]

Emcee blinks, a lump suddenly rising in his throat.

"I-- I don't know--"

He turns away to take off his glasses as tears spill down his cheeks.

[runningred]

Jay wraps his arms around Emcee, holding his beloved friend to his chest. He rubs Emcee's back, letting him cry.

[i_am_your_host]

And Emcee cries for a while.

He often cries alone, not wanting anyone to see him like this, at what he feels as at his weakest. He can't always be strong and fearless. Sometimes he's just too tired.

Eventually, the tears stop coming. He slowly pulls out of Jay's embrace, and takes a handkerchief out of his back pocket to wipe his eyes and nose. Heaving a deep sigh, he leans back against Jay's shoulder but doesn't say anything.

[runningred]

Jay tops up both their glasses as Emcee blows his nose, settling back to be an appropriate surface to lean on.

He doesn't say anything either, just wraps an arm loosely around Emcee's waist and holds him.

After a few minutes he kisses Emcee's temple. "Stay with me tonight? Doesn't have to be more than this if you don't want it to be. But let me keep my arms around you?"

[i_am_your_host]

Emcee silently takes several sips of wine, feeling physically numb and emotionally exhausted.

He only nods at Jay's offer, not really looking at him. He can usually handle things better than this, but seeing Jay again after so long has really gotten to him.

After another deep breath, he puts his glasses back on, and drains his glass.

"Please don't feel sorry for me," he then murmurs.

[runningred]

"I don't." Jay answers softly. "I'm sorry you had to go through that but I'm impressed more than anything else. Impressed by how well you're done since."

[i_am_your_host]

He utters a weak chuckle at that.

"I'm impressed that I wake up every day."

He shakes his head and rubs an eye, as he sags in Jay's arms, leaning his head against his shoulder.

"But thank you."

[runningred]

Jay rubs his arm, holding him close. "Sometimes making it thought the day is a success. I understand. You will have missed my latest disaster which I won't bore you with but... do I understand how hard it can be to keep fighting."

[i_am_your_host]

He knits his brows faintly and tips his head back a little.

"Disaster? I'm sure you won't bore me. But you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I'm not a big fan of the whole 'I tell you mine, you tell me yours' deal. As long as you're all right now."

[runningred]

"I'm alright now. But I wasn't okay for a while there. People- friends here helped." He leaves it at that.

[i_am_your_host]

He shifts and turns a little to better slide an arm around Jay's middle.

"Oh, darling, I'm so sorry I wasn't here to help see you through it," he says ruefully, before kissing the corner of his mouth.

[runningred]

"You were in spirit, darling." Jay returns the kiss softly, stroking his back.

[i_am_your_host]

"I certainly hope so," he sighs, giving him a warm, affectionate squeeze.

"I thought of you often throughout the years, when my door never opened. I thought of everyone. It's hard to believe that so much time has passed."

[runningred]

"Have you seen Eric since you've been back?" He asks softly.

[i_am_your_host]

Emcee knits his brow, looking a little more sad than he intends to.

"I saw him just once, about a year ago-- by my time at least. I'm not sure how much time passed in the bar. But it was different, talking to him again. I felt different. I knew what he wanted, what he always wants, but-- all I could think of was the pain involved. And I don't think he quite knew how to take that. Or my being older. So we parted ways, and-- I don't think he wanted to see me anymore. It's for the best, really."

[runningred]

"Shit, sorry darling." Jay tightens his arm around Emcee's waist.

[i_am_your_host]

He shrugs.

"It is what it is. I don't blame him. And I don't dwell on it. But if you do see him some time, tell him I said hello."